"Well, there are traditional dinner parties, where the host supplies the meal and the guests may or may not bring little presents sometimes food treats to be used at the discretion of the host. And then there are cooperative dinners, where each person brings part of the meal. This sounds more like a food fight. Rather than trying to please the host, the guest planned a hostile takeover."
"No, your sister was not rude. She did her best to handle it politely. But there are circumstances under which an apology is due, even from an innocent person. So Miss Manners believes that your sister should apologize not"
A sister hosts formal dinner parties with set menus and explicitly tells guests she wants only their company. When guests bring dishes anyway, she graciously accepts them as hostess gifts but doesn't serve them. One guest brought a dish specifically for other guests to eat, not as a gift. The sister declined to serve it, explaining her menu was set, and offered to let the guest take it home. The guest later publicly announced at the dinner that her dish wasn't being served, then spread complaints about the sister's rudeness. The sister's handling was appropriate and polite; she clearly distinguished between traditional dinner parties and cooperative dinners.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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