"He has been in a relationship with this female for many years, but they don't live together. When our sons had their first babies, my ex wanted the family to refer to his girlfriend as Nonna (grandmother). Our sons immediately shut that idea down, stating that their children already have a grandmother, and that they would refer to the girlfriend by her first name."
"How you feel about it is not Miss Manners' department. Nor is basic biology, though she cannot help noticing that even if you were not divorced, your grandchildren would have had to grapple with the confusion of having two grandmothers, assuming their mothers' mothers are still alive. Etiquette can comment on some of the terms being used (or misused)."
A divorced couple remain cordial and attend family events; the ex's long-term, nonresident girlfriend asked to be called Nonna. The sons refused, saying their children already have a grandmother and would use the girlfriend's first name to avoid confusing the children and out of respect. The grandchildren recently began referring to the girlfriend as Nonna, which made the biological grandmother uncomfortable. Etiquette separates personal feelings from biology and notes potential confusion when children face two grandmothers. Etiquette also finds it outside normal usage to apply 'grandmother' to a nonresident nonrelative or to call someone 'cordial' while referring to them as "this female."
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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