"supplemented, perhaps, by digital glimpses over social media. In such a case, you would not be expected to have an exact recollection of an anniversary date, and may therefore confine yourself to simply checking in, as the saying goes. If you invite her out for a meal around the one-year mark, it could be explained (as you learn more) as either a sympathy visit or a celebration."
"Our cousins hosted this year's reunion dinner, and just before the meal, several of their friends arrived. These guests were not family members, and more than half of the family did not know them. These people were very nice, and we enjoyed their company, but none of us were aware that non-family members would be invited, and there was no precedence for inviting friends to our family reunion. Some of us found it to be inappropriate, but we are curious what Miss Manners thinks."
When the marital status of a friend is uncertain, avoid public anniversary messages. Privately check in and consider inviting the friend to a meal around the one-year mark that can serve either as sympathy or celebration depending on circumstances. For family reunions, note that inviting non-family guests without informing relatives can surprise attendees. Politely ask hosts whether inviting friends is intended as a new precedent. Express appreciation for meeting the guests while conveying that some family members were surprised and confused, and seek clarification to set expectations for future reunions.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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