Miss Manners: Am I misunderstanding the rules of what to wear to a funeral?

"Mourning is hard enough without having to think about what degree of intimacy to the deceased your clothing color relays. This is not a sporting event. There is no winning team for which to show your loyalty. Furthermore, if you cannot wear black to a funeral without appearing pretentious, where are you properly to wear it?"

"Although there is no strict rule that either party approach first, Miss Manners thinks it kind for the existing neighbor to initiate. Even ones who are only four months in and harbor obvious resentment toward their predecessors."

Funeral dress etiquette has evolved significantly. While all black was traditionally considered proper funeral attire, contemporary standards now accept church dress and subdued muted colors as appropriate. The notion that wearing all black when the deceased is not a close relation appears pretentious is addressed as unnecessary concern. Mourning attire should not require guests to calculate their emotional connection to the deceased through clothing choices. Black remains a perfectly acceptable funeral color and need not be reserved exclusively for intimate relationships. The emphasis has shifted from strict color requirements to overall appropriateness and dignity of appearance.

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