Is the Love Really Gone?

"Many couples start out feeling deeply connected, but over time, especially after childcare or career demands, the connection fades as the relationship receives little attention. This often reflects what Family Systems Theory calls emotional fusion, described by Murray Bowen and later expanded by David Schnarch. Bowen defined "emotional fusion" as a state of being stuck in togetherness. The idea behind it is that one or both partners suppress parts of themselves for the sake of peace."

"The next context involves a personal turning point, such as a serious illness, a death, a job loss, children leaving home, or simply the panic of midlife. In these moments, a marriage may become the manifestation of a life that feels stuck. There may be no dramatic betrayal or chronic conflict, but a sense that something inside has gone numb."

Emotional disconnection commonly follows earlier deep connection when childcare, career demands, and inattention cause the relationship to fade. Emotional fusion involves being stuck in togetherness, where one or both partners suppress parts of themselves to maintain peace, eventually producing invisibility, control, chronic dissatisfaction, and crisis. Affairs can redirect intense emotions and create romantic intensity that makes the marriage seem dull. Personal life crises—illness, death, job loss, children leaving, or midlife panic—can make marriage feel like a stuck life and lead to interpreting loss of vitality as loss of love. Clarifying motivation helps, for example by asking whether one wants to want the partner.

Read at Psychology Today