"Nobody gets married assuming they're going to end up divorced. People marry because they believe in the relationship they're in at the time. They value the person at their side and trust in the future they're imagining together. You didn't walk into your marriage expecting it to collapse. You walked into it hoping it would last. That's the whole point of getting married in the first place."
"What sometimes happens—something many of us only understand after living through it—is that relationships evolve. People change. Needs change. The dynamic between two people shifts in ways neither of them could have predicted years earlier. The relationship you entered with the best intentions may simply stop working for both of you."
"That realization isn't a moral failure. In some cases, ending a marriage is actually the most responsible choice."
A 35-year-old gay man struggles with shame following his divorce, feeling he has failed after previously advocating for marriage equality and judging others whose marriages ended. He questions whether he is doomed as a middle-aged gay man starting over. The response clarifies that marriage represents genuine hope and commitment at the time of commitment, not a guarantee of permanence. Relationships naturally evolve as people change and their needs shift in unpredictable ways. Ending a marriage when it no longer works for both partners is not a moral failure but sometimes the most responsible choice. The shame stems from unrealistic expectations about what marriage should be rather than from actual wrongdoing.
Read at Queerty
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