I Was a Virgin Until I Was 20. Then a Phone-Sex Incident Changed Everything.

"I was still a virgin at 20, though I'd acquired a boyfriend just after I turned 19. I wasn't religious, but from an early age, I'd been instilled-by society, schools, parents-with a deep sense of shame, especially when it came to my body and the things I did with it. Though I didn't believe sex should be reserved for marriage, I did believe that it should be reserved for love. (I don't anymore.)"

"During that year, my boyfriend once asked me, "How would you feel about seeing other people?" Totally caught off guard, I said, "I wouldn't like it at all." He nodded, pursed his lips, and never raised the topic again. What I didn't realize was that this meant that he was going to start seeing other people. Very soon after asking, he did."

"I found out about it from one of the girl's friends, who was a senior and very glamorous, in part because she was international. When she told me, I felt sick to my stomach. Her announcement-which came publicly, over beers at an upperclassman's party-felt both territorial and also well-intended: Apparently, up until that moment, everyone other than me had known about my boyfriend's other girlfriend."

"I broke up with him. A few weeks later, he broke up with the other girl, and we started dating again. We didn't talk about his infidelity, but we did start having sex. Sex was a letdown. I'd found much more personal satisfaction in our earlier make-out sessions. Once, he asked me if I had any sexual fantasies. I said I'd always been intrigued by the ide"

A woman remained a virgin until 20 while dating a boyfriend she met at 19. She grew up with societal shame about her body despite not being religious. She believed sex should be reserved for love but later changed that belief. During a year without sex the couple rarely communicated while friends fixated on her virginity. He asked about seeing other people and soon began seeing others without clear consent. She learned of his other relationship publicly at a party and broke up with him. After he ended the other relationship they reunited, began having sex, and she found sex disappointing compared with earlier make-outs. He asked about fantasies; she began to express curiosity.

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