"For most of my twenties and early thirties, sex dictated where I went, who I texted back, and how late I stayed out. I didn't collect experiences so much as burn through them. Threesomes for birthdays. Foursomes that started as jokes, staged with the flimsiest pretenseeveryone in on it, no one pretending otherwise. Open relationships that were technically mutual but tilted in my favor."
"There's a scene in the last season of The White Lotus where Sam Rockwell plays Frank, an old friend of a main character, who launches into a rambling monologue about desire. He talks about chasing sex to the point of exhaustion, realizing that what he thought was attraction might actually be something else entirely: The confusion between wanting someone and wanting to be them. He describes being drawn to women, to ladyboys, to anyone who seemed to embody something he was missing."
Matthew, a 45-year-old founder and creative director, pursued sexual freedom through frequent, varied encounters and open relationships that often favored his desire. His behavior included threesomes, foursomes, sex with people across genders and sex workers, and organized hookups across cities. Desire blurred with identity and possession, complicating consent and power. Public allegations surfaced during the #MeToo era, though no criminal charges were filed. The experience and the ensuing public reckoning forced him to confront how compulsive sexual behavior, entitlement, and power imbalances shaped his choices and to reassess responsibility, consent, and the meaning of desire.
Read at www.esquire.com
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