"As my Psychology Today colleague Karen Stollznow explains in her post "Do Opposites Really Attract," recent studies have shown that most of us are drawn to others who are similar to us in a variety of ways, from religious and spiritual beliefs to political ideology, diet, drinking and smoking habits, and, according to one study, even the amount of time we spend on the computer. It makes sense that we are also drawn to people who share our core values and beliefs."
""She was so different from anyone I'd ever known," he said. "I mean, she was a university professor, but she wasn't driven to publish or prove herself. My parents were partners in large law firms. They worked 24/7 and pushed us kids to be superstars. Maria just liked teaching, and she wrote because she was fascinated by the material. She didn't care about tenure, or best-seller status, or anything like that. I loved her for that.""
"But sometimes we like someone who is different from us, or from the family we grew up in. For instance, a woman who has spent her whole life being "good" may be drawn to a man who drinks, gambles, and has random sex with many different women. Or a man who longs to settle down may be drawn to an airline pilot who never stays in one place."
People commonly prefer partners who resemble them across beliefs, habits, and values, including religion, politics, diet, and lifestyle. Similarity provides shared core values and predictable compatibility. Attraction to difference also occurs, drawing individuals to partners who contrast with their family background or personal tendencies, sometimes fulfilling desires for novelty or complementary traits. Some individuals unconsciously seek partners who symbolically repair childhood wounds or replicate comforting familial cues. Positive relationships often form when partners enhance joyful, loving experiences and provide reminders of valued figures. Both similarity and difference can play roles in partner selection and emotional fulfillment.
Read at Psychology Today
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