""When They Push Back on Your Boundaries "But we always do it this way!" What they're really expressing is their need for consistency. You're not responsible for maintaining every tradition, especially ones that don't work for you anymore. You can acknowledge their need while holding your boundary: "I hear that this tradition matters to you. We're choosing to do it differently this year, and I hope we can find other ways to connect.""
""'You're keeping the kids from their grandparents!' This one stings because it touches the fear that you're somehow harming your children. But you're not keeping anyone from anyone. You're making choices about what works for your family. Connection can happen in different ways - video calls, shorter visits, or meeting at a park instead of someone's home. 'Just this once...' Why 'just this once' often becomes every time: because you're teaching people that if they push hard enough, you'll give in.""
Setting and maintaining boundaries requires planning for pushback, guilt, and repair work. Family members often react from a need for consistency and may insist on traditions that no longer fit. Acknowledge their need while holding the boundary and offer alternative ways to connect, such as video calls, shorter visits, or outdoor meetings. Avoid "just this once" concessions that teach others to override boundaries. Be flexible only when circumstances genuinely change; refuse flexibility when caving happens due to discomfort with reactions. Recognize patterns of disrespect, like repeated pressure or unilateral planning, and respond with clear reinforcements.
Read at Psychology Today
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