How to Ask for What You Want in Bed (And Not Kill the Mood)
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How to Ask for What You Want in Bed (And Not Kill the Mood)
"The key finding in this new study is that sharing your turn-ons strengthens intimacy and satisfaction, while focusing on turn-offs can sometimes backfire. Discussing what excites us is so powerful that it not only enhances sexual satisfaction but also brings couples closer together more generally by improving intimacy and overall relationship satisfaction. By contrast, focusing too much on dislikes may create distance or reduce satisfaction. In other words, not all sexual self-disclosure is created equal."
"It's important to clarify precisely what it means to share your sexual likes. In this study, participants who shared what they wanted more of, what they liked, or fantasies they wanted to explore reported higher sexual satisfaction and intimacy than couples who didn't. They often framed sexual feedback as things they'd like to try instead of something else they found less pleasurable."
Sharing sexual turn-ons strengthens intimacy and sexual satisfaction, and also increases overall relationship closeness and feelings of being seen by a partner. Focusing on sexual turn-offs or dislikes can create distance and reduce both sexual and relationship satisfaction. Describing sexual likes as things one wants more of, or fantasies to explore, correlates with higher sexual satisfaction and intimacy than framing feedback as criticisms. Couples who share positive sexual preferences often present feedback as trials to try rather than complaints about what is less pleasurable. Partner responsiveness amplifies the benefits of sexual communication, making discussions of desires more effective and bonding.
Read at Psychology Today
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