"I'm often asked for tips about how to run successful family meetings. The questions usually focus on matters of logistics: choosing the right venue; selecting the appropriate attendees; structuring the most effective agenda; and finding the best time. While these are all important matters, not surprisingly, the inquiries typically ignore the critical and most challenging element: how to manage the conversation itself."
"In families, the hardest conversations are often not about what's being said; instead, they're about the layers that exist behind and underneath what's being said - unspoken expectations, old disappointments, unhealed emotions, resentments that have brewed and fermented for decades. Sometimes, if we're lucky, there's an underlying affection that hides behind the frustration. In short, as Faulkner wrote in Requiem for a Nun: "The past is never dead. It's not even past.""
Family meeting success depends less on logistics and more on how the conversation itself is managed. Family conversations often carry layers beneath the words: unspoken expectations, old disappointments, unhealed emotions, and long-brewing resentments, sometimes with affection hidden beneath frustration. These layers can cause people to say things they later regret or to take offense more deeply than a single remark warrants. Practicing a small set of guiding rules, beginning with pausing to take a beat, can improve both formal family meetings and everyday interactions. Human fallibility means the rules are not always followed, but adherence yields significant benefit.
Read at Fortune
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