"One of my late mother's widowed friends made the comment, "Finally I can have a scrambled egg for dinner. I'm never making another meatloaf again." And this was a woman who had loved her husband and had a pretty good marriage. Her grown kids were upset that when they came home to visit, "Mama isn't cooking anymore!" Yeah, Mama didn't care."
"Knowing how to cook "from scratch" is a useful skill and sometimes a great hobby, but there are plenty of simpler ways to get fed, as your stepdaughter ascertained. I hope we are moving away from the whole exhausting misogynistic notion of "good women" being stuck in the kitchen half their lives. The next time your mother-in-law starts in on her granddaughter for not cooking "from scratch," maybe chime in with, "And she's stopped spinning her own wool too!""
"If the letter writer is going to rethink marrying him over this, then they definitely won't be around when there are major health issues. They should just end it if something like this, which he can't control, is bringing them to this point. Love means being supportive and empathetic toward him, seeking any way to make it work, not threatening to bail."
A widowed woman celebrated her freedom to simplify meals, joking, "Finally I can have a scrambled egg for dinner," and disregarded adult children's complaints about her stopping elaborate cooking. Knowing how to cook from scratch is useful and enjoyable for some, but many simpler ways to eat are acceptable and escaping expectations that "good women" must spend excessive time in the kitchen challenges misogynistic norms. Responding to criticism with humor—e.g., noting she no longer spins her own wool or uses a washboard—deflects judgment. In relationships, retracting commitment over an uncontrollable health issue indicates lack of willingness to support a partner; love requires empathy, support, and facing future health challenges together.
Read at Slate Magazine
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