"There is nothing like a holiday with extended family to turn the sexiest couple into two camp counselors supervising meal prep, emotional outbursts, and whatever conflict arises when somebody's aunt or uncle decides to share their thoughts on the state of the world. You're not imagining it: nothing shuts down erotic energy faster than slipping back into your childhood role the moment your mother asks where the good napkins are."
"Holidays tend to meld us back into the undifferentiated soup of our family of origin's particular flavor of dysfunction. Everyone unconsciously becomes a slightly younger, slightly needier version of themselves. You might feel like the competent oldest daughter again. He might start behaving like the "good son" who fetches folding chairs. This dynamic is great for making sure dinner gets on the table, but terrible for maintaining the erotic charge between you."
Holiday gatherings often push partners back into childhood roles and family-of-origin dynamics, producing unconscious regressions into younger, needier versions of themselves. Those role shifts can make competent adults behave in caretaking or dutiful ways that prioritize logistics over intimacy. Constant togetherness with extended family yields mainly logistical interactions—coordinating meals, chores, and conflict management—rather than emotionally intimate exchanges. These patterns extinguish erotic energy and make couples feel more like siblings or co-managers than lovers, which undermines sexual desire and the ability to reconnect romantically during or immediately after the holiday period.
Read at Scary Mommy
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