"He lives with his openly gay male best friend of about 10 years, which is pretty impressive given that we're both in our early 20s. I guess he and his best friend trauma-bonded during high school, and it's made them close. REALLY close. Whenever we go on dates, he keeps his phone on alert to make sure nothing bad happens to his best friend."
"Because if we don't, then a lot of people miss out on good friendships because of fear of judgment or sending the wrong message. That's bad for everyone. So it's worth asking yourself whether, beneath your concerns, are any beliefs (like the idea that being gay is a bad thing that someone would want to hide, or that gay men are attracted to and interested in every man they see) that you want to work on shifting."
Two months of casual dating is an early stage and allows time to observe behavior and set boundaries before committing. A partner who lives with a longtime, openly gay best friend and displays constant vigilance, jealousy, phone alerts, and frequent reminiscing can create a third-wheel dynamic. Concern about the roommate’s possible romantic feelings and the partner’s awareness of them is reasonable. Questioning internal assumptions about sexuality and stereotypes can clarify whether fears reflect bias. Direct communication about comfort levels, expectations, and limits is essential. If boundaries are not respected or discomfort persists, stepping back or ending the relationship is appropriate.
Read at Slate Magazine
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