"It's been seven years since we were with my family on Christmas Day. Two of those years we were hunkered down at home with a newborn/about to give birth. The other five years we have spent with my husband's family. My father-in-law has been terminally ill for 12 years, and it's a miracle that he has lived this long. We've truly thought that every year has been his last Christmas, but this year, I really think it's his last."
"Given that next year, though, circumstances will most likely be different, I am wondering about how to get us into a rhythm of trading off visits to our families every other year. My sister and her kids will be visiting from overseas, so I really want to be with my family. It will most likely be my mother-in-law's (and my brother-in-law and husband's) first Christmas without their patriarch."
Seven consecutive Christmases have been spent with the husband's family because of a long-term terminal illness, while visits to the wife's family have been rare. The wife wants to establish an every-other-year holiday rotation to spend more time with her aging mother, whose memory and handwriting are declining. Resentment has developed over perceived imbalance. The husband has not been directly asked to adopt a predictable schedule. A fair plan could include a candid conversation, a written alternating schedule, temporary adjustments for the current year, and compromises such as splitting the holiday, celebrating on different days, or combining gatherings to accommodate both families.
Read at Slate Magazine
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