"We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes, but at some point, my friend looked over to me and said he feels sorry for my future children. I was wounded. That is such a strong statement. I tried to unpack with him what he had said, but I didn't get far. He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me."
"It could be worth it to continue the conversation with your friend, though not as an indictment of what he said to you. That will only create defensiveness with no meaningful resolution. Tell him instead that you can't stop thinking about what he said to you, and you want to understand why he feels that you will not be a good mom. Admit that you have thought about his comments since he made them, and you want to understand his thinking."
"I have been struggling with the dating scene in my city. It's been nearly two years since I've even attempted a date, flirted casually, swiped through an app or responded to a DM. It is so difficult to find anyone who wants to connect on a deeper level. Social media and online dating have made distance more acceptable and quality time less desirable. I would like to try dating again, but after being celibate and intentionally single for the past few years,"
A friend watching a TV series made a harsh comment that caused emotional hurt by saying he felt sorry for the writer's future children and calling the writer's expectations too aggressive. The writer describes parenting as a balance of structure and vulnerability and aspires to be honest and understanding. Revisit the conversation calmly, avoid indicting language that causes defensiveness, tell the friend the comment lingers, ask why he believes a child would not thrive, admit reflection, and listen carefully for any useful feedback. A separate writer reports prolonged abstention from dating, online-dating fatigue, and growing cynicism about deeper connection.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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