"Because she has always been a wonderful mother, I would never do anything to tarnish their love and appreciation of her. The children are a large part of the reason I have remained married. Aside from her betrayal, she has been a good wife and companion, and I still love her. Our children are grown and on their own now. We have a beautiful grandson. During her affairs, I fought depression by submerging myself in work and crying when alone."
"Have you actually talked to your wife (whom you love) about this? Many postmenopausal women whose libidos have declined still enjoy sex. This is a subject she should have discussed with her gynecologist 15 years ago because this is not an insurmountable problem. If she refuses, you would be within your rights to tell her you want the same dispensation you have given her for 40 years of infidelity, because you still need and desire intimacy."
Husband approaches his 40th anniversary while privately burdened by his wife's lifelong serial infidelity, which he has hidden to protect their children's image of her. He remained married partly for the children and because she has been a good mother and companion, and he still loves her. The marriage has been sexless since her menopause 15 years ago, and retirement removed work as an emotional crutch. He desires intimacy and contemplates rekindling a relationship with an old friend without leaving his wife. He should talk to his wife about his needs, consider gynecologic consultation for libido changes, and weigh asking for reciprocal dispensation if intimacy cannot be resolved.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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