"She showers me and my kids with expensive things at holidays, but then almost immediately hits me up for cash because she's broke. I've gotten into the habit of returning as many of her gifts as I can and banking the money for when she needs it back. She found me out and gets really angry when I do this. At the same time, she's unwilling to scale back her spending."
"If telling your mother to stop giving you gifts has been unsuccessful, you are not going to change her. This is who she is. Accept that. My recommendation would be to continue dealing with this issue as you have, regardless of the inconvenience, and suggest to your mother that, if she is able, she should look for a part-time job so she will have more disposable income."
My mother loves exchanging gifts and spends a lot of time and energy choosing and elaborately wrapping items for family members. She is retired on a limited, fixed income, showers my children and me with expensive holiday gifts, and then asks for cash because she is broke. I return many of her gifts and bank the money for when she needs it back, but she becomes angry when she discovers this and refuses to scale back spending. Accept that her behavior is unlikely to change, continue managing the finances as needed, and encourage a part-time job to increase disposable income. Separately, a husband is battling cancer with frequent treatments and adult children visiting often; one 50-year-old child ignores visitation limits, wanting all-day visits that increase meal preparation and caregiver strain.
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