Coordinating holidays with multiple divorced families is tough. At 72, I'm learning when to let go.

"I was on my knees in my November garden at 72, jeans soaked, wrestling bishopweed from the cold earth. Some things just keep coming back - bishopweed, old hurts, family patterns, and the stories we tell ourselves about how life was supposed to go. I glanced at the bag of bulbs - tulips, crocuses, daffodils that I should have planted last month. I'm late, as usual. Best-laid plans."

"Four generations of my family have lived through divorce: my parents, mine, my son's, and now my grandchildren's experience of its aftermath. It's not the story any of us planned, but it's the one we live with tenderness and humor - mostly. I am the matriarch of this sprawling, untidy bunch - nephews, nieces, their children, in-laws, exes, half-siblings, and step-grandparents. I once believed I could keep everyone together, as if some ancient Sicilian bargain required it: family stays together, no matter what."

"Now, as the holidays approach, I'm trying to map out what they'll look like this year. Is my first husband's wife hosting? Or my ex-daughter-in-law? Who's on the email chain, and who's on the text thread? Which day? Who might not come at all? Making sure no one - accidentally or on purpose - gets left out. I juggle competing plans and multiple households."

At 72, the narrator tends a November garden and reflects on recurring patterns—bishopweed, old hurts, family expectations, and broken plans. Four generations in the family have experienced divorce, shaping complex household arrangements and relationships among parents, children, grandchildren, exes, and step-relatives. The matriarch negotiates holiday logistics: determining hosts, coordinating email and text threads, balancing competing plans, and ensuring no one is excluded. Memories of midcentury extended-family gatherings contrast with the current fragmented reality. Despite logistical chaos, imperfect holiday gatherings continue through tenderness, humor, and deliberate efforts that demonstrate family adaptability and enduring love.

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