Can being codependent in a relationship actually be a good thing?

"Dating advice often casts intimacy as a tightrope pull back too much, or push for more. Either move is read as a red flag. Between discussions of incompatible attachment styles, the importance of boundaries and the dangers of love-bombing, it's easy to get the impression there's a correct level of closeness to aim for. In truth, intimacy isn't one-size-fits-all and comfort levels vary not just between individuals, but across their relationships."

"You can't learn to be with others in isolation People are often advised to stay single until they are ready for a relationship, or know how to be alone. The trouble is, many important relational skills can only be learned by doing, Tawwab says. What you like, what you don't like, how to deal with other people and have disagreements: those things are learned in relationships, she says. Unfortunately, when we're alone, we're not getting any practice."

"It's great to develop awareness of your behaviour and patterns with other people, such as through therapy; but if you don't figure out how to be in relationships, you will be without them, Tawwab says. That's not to say you should feel obliged to start dating, or jump into a romance before you feel ready, she adds. All types of relationships and interactions present opportunities to learn about other people and ourselves."

Intimacy is not a single correct level; comfort with closeness differs between people and across specific relationships. Myths about attachment styles, boundaries, and love-bombing create pressure to find a universal balance. Healthy dependency differs from unhealthy dependency, and people can learn to lean on others without losing themselves. Relational skills—knowing preferences, managing disagreements, and handling trust—are developed through actual interactions, not isolation. All types of relationships and everyday interactions provide opportunities to practice these skills. Pursuing connection, taking social risks, and applying transferable skills can reduce self-isolation while avoiding premature or pressured romantic commitments.

Read at www.theguardian.com