"Recovery from damaged relationships can be fraught with confusion and setbacks. Two pairs of factors determine the success or failure of the recovery process. The first pair is value and compassion. The opposing pair is resentment and contempt. Recovery from relationships that have suffered chronic resentment, anger, deceit, or emotional abuse can be fraught with confusing emotions and temporary setbacks. It can be hard to know if you're making progress."
"All the above are subject to emotion reciprocity, meaning we're likely to get back what we put out. Displays of valuing emotionsappreciation, affection, kindness, support, and compassiontend to be mutual, as do feelings of resentment and contempt. Failure to express the valuing emotions leads to resentment and, eventually, contempt. Negative bias dominates emotion reciprocitynegative emotions and judgments come back to us more frequently and intensely than positive ones."
Recovery from damaged relationships is often confusing with setbacks and unclear progress. Two opposing factor pairs determine recovery outcomes: value and compassion versus resentment and contempt. Value includes appreciation, affection, kindness, and support. Compassion involves caring when partners feel bad, ill, or overburdened, with motivation to help. Resentment and contempt arise when partners view each other as unfair, demanding, needy, selfish, unreliable, untrustworthy, immoral, or pathological. Emotional reciprocity means expressed emotions tend to return; positive valuing emotions usually elicit mutual positivity while negative emotions return more frequently and intensely due to negative bias. Resentment and contempt grow from blame, denial, and avoidance.
Read at www.psychologytoday.com
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