"Being proactive about communicating what is and is not possible will be helpful. When next you send out invitations, for instance, you can include a friendly but clear caveat like, We're keeping this gathering small, so please, only invited guests this time. Or you can be even lighter with it: We know our parties are the events of the year, but please check with us before bringing anyone else. You can use the same tactic with your neighbors, perhaps by phone or in person."
"We wanted to give you a heads-up that we'll be having a couple of people over, so you may see the cars in the neighborhood. This is a small gathering so please don't feel offended that we don't have space for you. However, we'd love to get together another time. (You can choose to exclude that last sentence if it doesn't apply. You're under no obligation to offer alternative plans.)"
"Some people may need a bit more firmness. A neighbor simply deciding that they're invited to any gathering on the block suggests either presumptuousness or a level of neighborly familiarity on par with Sesame Street. (Not a bad thing, at all. But, as your letter reflects, sometimes an obstacle.) So, if a neighbor shows up, even after you've communicated your intentions for the event, you may have to turn them away, with a smile."
Proactive communication of guest limits helps control attendance. Include a clear caveat on invitations, such as We're keeping this gathering small, so please, only invited guests this time, or ask guests to check before bringing anyone. Tell neighbors in advance about visible cars and explain that the event is small and lacks space; offer another time only if appropriate. Some people require firmer boundaries; politely turning away an uninvited neighbor, even with a smile, may be necessary. A separate concern notes a son-in-law struggling with alcoholism and the pain of watching a daughter cope with a family history of parental drinking.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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