5 Things Men Can Do to Strengthen Their Relationship

"For many men in modern heterosexual marriages, the tendency to become quiet and withdraw during conflict is born out of a well-intended desire to focus on the positive, a propensity towards not wanting to escalate things further or increase the discord with their spouse. For others, it's an involuntary reaction to stress, a logical form of damage control that nature has hardwired into you and Dr. Gottman's research supports this."

"When it happens there's a good chance your body has gone into diffuse physiological arousal, or DPA in the Gottman lexicon. The most immediate symptom you'll notice is an accelerated heart rate, but DPA will also cause an increase in sweating, elevated stress hormone production, and as a result an impairment in your ability to think clearly and process information. One of the hardest things about DPA and flooding is that the symptoms that it triggers in men tend to escalate women and their vulnerabilities."

Modern heterosexual marriages commonly feature male withdrawal during conflicts, often driven by a desire to avoid escalation or by an involuntary stress response. Men are statistically more likely to stonewall their partners, with research showing 85% of stonewallers are male. Stonewalling manifests as disengagement and unresponsiveness during interactions. Physiological flooding, labeled diffuse physiological arousal (DPA), produces accelerated heart rate, sweating, and impaired cognitive processing. DPA-induced symptoms reduce men's ability to engage constructively and tend to intensify partners' vulnerabilities, escalating conflicts. The cycle of withdrawal and heightened distress can create persistent gridlock and erode relationship peace.

Read at The Gottman Institute