"Being a couple is all about working together as a team, having each other's backs, and doing your best to help each other build the lives you want. But there will be clear snags and challenges-different priorities or perspectives, or feeling bothered by what your partner is doing. Just like building a house, you start with a solid foundation. Or think of it as a thermostat that helps maintain a steady emotional temperature."
"There are three important concepts embedded in this question: First, we want to change the climate. Many couples think only about changing their partner, but it's better to focus on improving the overall emotional climate-reducing tension and increasing connection. The second is that it is important to be concrete-i.e., behavioral: What is it that you'd like your partner to do to feel better?"
Couples benefit from establishing brief, concrete communication guidelines to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Focus on improving the overall emotional climate—reducing tension and increasing connection—rather than trying to change the partner. Prioritize one or two specific behavioral actions that are clear and manageable. Identify how to support a partner during stress by asking for preferred responses and by responding with attentive, nonjudgmental actions. Address how to voice opinions and raise problems with care. Periodically step back together to evaluate what concrete changes are needed and implement small, prioritized adjustments to strengthen the relationship.
Read at Psychology Today
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