"Researchers and therapists alike have long been in agreement that intimacy cannot be reduced to a single dimension. It's not a matter of affection, attraction, sex, conflict, or communication alone; rather, it's all of them, all at once. With this combination usually comes a deep sense of familiarity, which Dr. John Gottman, one of the most renowned relationship researchers in modern history, famously called a "love map.""
"The strength of that map, in turn, can signal the strength of the relationship. From this perspective, it's unsurprising that "growing apart" is one of the most common reasons cited when couples divorce. With that in mind, here are two questions that healthy couples should always be able to answer about one another. Answer them correctly, and that means you've got one of the most important aspects of a loving relationship under control: emotional intimacy."
Intimacy comprises multiple simultaneous dimensions including affection, attraction, sex, conflict, and communication, and is marked by a deep sense of familiarity. A well-developed mental "love map" contains detailed knowledge of a partner's hopes, fears, habits, and dreams; its strength often signals relationship strength. Growing apart frequently precedes divorce because partners lose knowledge of each other's inner worlds. Emotional intimacy requires the ability to answer specific, current questions about a partner's life. One critical question asks what matters most to a partner right now, focusing on present concerns rather than broad values. Answers shift over time and require ongoing attention and attunement.
Read at Psychology Today
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