When How are you?' becomes a painful question to answer | Letter

"It's not just Germans like Carolin Wurfel (16 December) who face a challenge with the question How are you? When I was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer, that question went from being a routine conversation-opener to something much trickier. The convention, in Britain at least, is to answer something like Oh, not bad Frankly, things are very bad, so I'm stuck between the dishonesty of the ritual reply and the full truth, which is a lot to fling back at someone offering an innocent greeting."

"I've developed the more nuanced response All right today, which I use if I really am doing all right in the general context of things. Some days are genuinely rotten, in which case it remains a struggle to work out what to say, but the rest of the time I try to respond relative to my new normal. Some days I still have joyous events and upbeat feelings, in which case I'd stretch to a buoyant Pretty good today,"

When diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer, the question 'How are you?' stops being a routine greeting and becomes difficult to answer. The British convention of replying with a polite minimization — 'Oh, not bad' — feels dishonest when circumstances are dire. The response 'All right today' conveys present wellbeing relative to a new normal while acknowledging uncertain futures. On genuinely bad days the choice of reply remains a struggle. Joyful moments still occur, prompting a buoyant 'Pretty good today,' but the word 'today' is habitually appended to be honest about the possibility of worse days ahead.

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