ADHDers in Love

"Attachment develops through repeated interactions between caregivers and children and can be understood as a match or mismatch between a child's emotional and physical needs and the responsiveness of their environment. When we receive what our nervous system craves-comfort, acceptance, predictability, or control-we experience safety. But when there is a mismatch between our needs and the environment's responsiveness, distress can arise, along with fears of abandonment or rejection. This can occur even in the context of parental loving intentions and best efforts. These early patterns shape how individuals later feel and behave within relationships."

"Research indicates that, generally, neurodivergent adults report higher levels of insecure attachment when assessed with instruments designed for neurotypical individuals (e.g., Al-Yagon et al., 2020; Sonfelianu et al., 2025). Some authors specifically note elevated anxious attachment (Devlin, 2014), an attachment style linked to lower relationship quality (e.g., Knies et al., 2020), which is often characterized by increased vulnerability to worries about rejection or abandonment (Brennan, 1998). Meanwhile, avoidant attachment reflects discomfort with closeness and reliance on others (Brennan, 1998)."

"Neurodivergent adults often experience higher rates of insecure attachment. They may have vulnerabilities to responding to relational red flags. Neuro‑affirming understanding, predictability, and clear communication are essential."

Attachment is the emotional bond that forms between infant and caregiver and is how the helpless infant gets primary needs met. Attachment develops through repeated interactions and reflects a match or mismatch between a child's emotional and physical needs and the responsiveness of their environment. Mismatches can produce distress, fears of abandonment, or rejection even when caregivers intend well. Neurodivergent adults commonly report higher levels of insecure attachment, with elevated anxious attachment linked to lower relationship quality and avoidant attachment marked by discomfort with closeness. Neuro‑affirming understanding, predictability, and clear communication support safer romantic relationships.

Read at Psychology Today