"Some parenting influencers even imply that if you say exactly the right words at the right time, your child's tantrum will magically be "tamed." One of the most popular parenting accounts, "Big Little Feelings," suggests that parents use scripts like this: "You're frustrated because I won't let you eat the dog food. It's OK to feel frustrated." These influencers typically go on to claim that using scripts like this is "the first and most critical step toward decreasing the intensity and duration of tantrums""
"A recent study also found that children tend to get more frustrated when parents label and empathize with their negative emotions. Most parents seem to agree with this research, reporting that these scripts often fall flat when their child is in the middle of a meltdown. Psychologist Mona Delahoke notes on her website that she's polled hundreds of parents, and four out of five say that labeling emotions during a tantrum backfires and makes their child more upset."
Many parenting influencers promote verbal scripts to soothe tantrums, claiming that saying the right words will reduce intensity and duration. Empirical studies show that verbal explanations or reasoning in the heat of the moment do not produce consistent or lasting behavioral change. Labeling and empathizing with negative emotions can increase a child's frustration and sometimes backfire. Large parent polls report that most parents find emotion-labeling scripts ineffective during active meltdowns. When a child is upset, executive functioning becomes impaired, reducing the ability to process, remember, and later apply verbal guidance. Minimal or no verbal intervention during active tantrums is often more effective.
Read at Psychology Today
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