"It's difficult to admit when you're struggling to connect with a bonus child, especially when you love your spouse and want your home to feel unified. And I understand that learning to love a child who didn't come from you, doesn't live with you full-time, and represents a former relationship your partner had before you, all present obstacles to feeling that loving feeling."
"First, understand it takes time. Second, check your attitude. If you are feeling this way now, I suspect you and your husband did little planning for the blending process. If you were in my office, I would ask you the following questions: How did you and your husband mentally prepare for blending your family? Did you sit down and actually talk about what you envision? Did you discuss how you will each build a relationship with the other's child?"
Good ex-etiquette means behaving respectfully and constructively after divorce or separation. Blending a family requires time, deliberate planning, and honest attitude checks from both adults. Adults set the emotional tone and should actively model kindness, fairness, and openness to foster acceptance. Couples should clarify visions for the family, discuss how each will build relationships with the other's child, and consider roles for extended family. Occasional custody arrangements can make a bonus child feel like a guest, increasing distance; intentional efforts and consistent, fair behavior help transform that dynamic into an inclusive family relationship.
Read at Psychology Today
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