"Intentional parenting offers a different approach: understand what needs aren't getting met, then build systems that support everyone. But what does that actually look like? And what should your parenting goals be if you're not just trying to get your kids to "listen"? In this post, I'll show you what needs-based parenting goals are and walk you through five realistic examples you can try with your own family. What Are the Goals of Parenting? A Needs-Based Perspective"
"Ask most parents what their goals are, and you'll hear: "I want my child to be successful." "I want them to be happy." And, in the short term, "I want them to listen" (by which we often mean "do what I tell them to do"). Many of us grew up with parents who tried to shape our behavior through rewards and punishments."
"Many of the parents I work with have spent so many decades suppressing their needs that they don't even know how to identify them. Needs drive all behavior: ours, our kids', everyone's. When we understand and meet our kids' needs, they are content and at peace, and our relationship is strong. They know our love isn't dependent on them producing certain behaviors. They're more willing to collaborate with us to help meet our needs as well."
Needs-based parenting reframes goals from short-term compliance to understanding and meeting underlying needs for both parents and children. Meeting needs reduces power struggles, cultivates security, and strengthens relationships by making love and care independent of specific behaviors. Parents who have long suppressed their own needs may struggle to identify them, yet recognizing those needs is essential because needs drive all behavior. Teaching children to identify and meet multiple people's needs supports their happiness and relationship skills. Practical goals focus on building systems that honor autonomy while supporting healthy habits and mutual collaboration.
Read at Psychology Today
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