"Walter was distraught. He had spent the morning at his son Jake's sixth-grade fall conferences. He was trying his best to understand his son's less-than-average performance in math, English and social studies. It sounded like Jake's teachers were making excuses for his son when they spoke of his inattention and disorganization. For Walter, this meant his son was a loser, just lazy and distracted by childish interests."
"Yet at the same time, he couldn't help but remember his father's talks with him about his own poor performance in school. He had always promised that he would never do the same to his son-blame and humiliate him. Yet here he was with the very same thoughts and feelings swirling around his head. Walter was confused, even angry. He knew that wasn't going to be very helpful to Jake."
"As she had listened, together with Walter, she understood what the teachers explained very differently. She recognized that Jake had organizational and focus issues that were getting in his way in spite of the efforts he made. Interestingly, Jake reminded her of her younger brother who had similar learning problems in school. She found herself thinking about how her parents had supported Sam and how well all of their care really helped him become a more successful student."
A child's report card can strongly affect a parent's self-assessment and emotional reactions. One parent interpreted teachers' comments as excuses and felt anger, shame, and fear of repeating family patterns of blame. A partner with different schooling experiences interpreted the same information as evidence of organizational and attention difficulties and recalled family strategies that had helped a relative. Clear communication between parents can calm unhelpful emotions before addressing the child. Collaboration with teachers and recognition of specific learning and organizational needs enable supportive interventions to improve the student's school performance.
Read at Psychology Today
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