"You've survived adverse childhood experiences. Now you long to create a high-functioning family. You know you don't want to repeat your parents' mistakes. But how do you know how to raise well-adjusted children when you didn't see effective parenting modeled in your home? Is there an excellent guide that teaches excellent parenting? Fortunately, there is. Dr. Jane Nelson has written a wonderful guide to parenting, entitled Positive Discipline. This post highlights some key principles and skills from this classic work."
"Authoritarian parents are strict, controlling, and punitive. Compelled to obey, children have order but no freedom to choose. Punishment for failure to obey parental demands (including shaming, humiliating, and blaming) is the rule. Nelsen explains that punishment creates resentment, a desire for revenge, and rebellion. It often creates children with low self-esteem ("I'm a bad person; I can't measure up.") who are shut down, who avoid risk for fear of failure, or who feel they must please others to be accepted."
Parents who survived adverse childhood experiences can still build high-functioning families by healing hidden wounds so unresolved pain does not interfere with parenting. Parents should learn and apply effective parenting principles and skills that encourage children to become caring, responsible, self-motivated, secure, self-confident, happy, respectful, contributing, and problem-solving individuals. Three common parenting approaches exist: authoritarian (strict, punitive), permissive, and positive discipline. Authoritarian, punitive methods often produce resentment, rebellion, low self-esteem, avoidance of risk, and people-pleasing. Positive discipline offers a kind but firm alternative that increases the likelihood of healthy development and intrinsic motivation.
Read at Psychology Today
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