Our Son Just Discovered a Rude Hand Gesture. My Husband Is Thoroughly Amused. I Am Not.

"Is this the only time you and your husband have been on entirely different pages when it comes to your child? Have you two tried hammering out a way to raise him that accommodates both his and your ideas about appropriate behavior, perhaps including compromises and/or the assignment of rankings of relative importance (i.e., picking your battles, both with Jasper and with each other)?"

"You will get nowhere trying to convince him otherwise. Instead of forbidding it or punishing Jasper, you should try this: Tell Jasper (not just once but many times, until it sticks) that you strongly dislike his using this gesture. Tell him it's crude, that it offends people and hurts their feelings, and that it makes you cringe."

A parent seeks advice about their 5-year-old son's habit of making obscene gestures. The mother enforces consequences like screen time restrictions, but the father finds the behavior amusing and refuses to implement discipline during his time with the child. This inconsistency undermines the mother's efforts. The advice columnist suggests the parents first examine whether this is part of a larger pattern of disagreement about parenting and recommends they establish shared values and compromises. Rather than focusing solely on punishment, the approach should involve explaining to the child why the behavior is inappropriate and how it affects others, while ensuring both parents present a unified message.

Read at Slate Magazine