"My wife, "Lourdes" and I have a 2-year-old daughter, "Mackenzie." Mackenzie was a difficult baby (long crying spells, difficult to soothe, hypersensitive to sound, fussy about solid food, etc.), and my wife has a low threshold for frustration. So most of Mackenzie's care fell to me since Lourdes said she "couldn't deal with it." The result has been that our daughter is closer to me than she is to her mother. Well, Lourdes said something disturbing regarding our daughter recently."
"Mackenzie had a meltdown when my wife tried to get her dressed for daycare, so Lourdes told me I needed to do it because of her theory that our daughter "hates her" and "the feeling is mutual." Mackenzie has a routine of putting her clothes on in a specific order. Lourdes is aware of it, but wanted to do it her way, which set her off."
"The trouble is that my wife is accustomed to people doing things her way, and she does not react well when her expectations are not met. I'm seriously concerned about her relationship with Mackenzie, especially because right after her mother tasked me with dressing her that day, she said, "Mommy is mean." Lourdes balked when I suggested counseling. How am I supposed to resolve this? -Daughter Division"
A father became the primary caregiver because the mother, Lourdes, had a low frustration threshold and could not manage a difficult, sensory-sensitive baby. The daughter, Mackenzie, developed specific routines that help her function; daycare providers follow those routines without issue. A conflict occurred when Lourdes insisted on dressing Mackenzie her own way, triggering a meltdown and leading Lourdes to say the child "hates her" and later the child to call her "Mommy is mean." Lourdes refuses counseling. The recommended responses are to prioritize the child's stability, set firm boundaries, seek professional help if possible, document incidents, and prepare for solo parenting or legal steps if necessary.
Read at Slate Magazine
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