"I continue to support them in small ways, by booking doctor appointments and sending groceries. Redefining our relationships has been hard, but I want them to know I will always help them. My kids are 20 and 22, so they're technically adults. They're grown and independent, or so the thinking prevails. But are they really? Sure, they have the privilege of voting and private health records, but Hertz and a Heineken are still out of reach, at least for my youngest."
"I felt some guilt spasms, but he survived just fine without me. While visiting weeks later, I noticed that he and his roommates had clean dishes strewn about the counter, presumably waiting for some magic fairy to catapult them into the cupboard. That afternoon, I ordered a plastic dish rack with a drainage spout. They were wowed by the NASA-level technology that could house a dish and drain water."
"When I think back to myself at that age, some of my behavior was definitely not adult-like. Lying about being a smoker to get what I thought would be a cooler roommate. Cutting off six inches of hair on a whim. Were these the actions of a mature, level-headed adult? I would say not. But adulthood is less like a light switch that goes on at 18 and more like a stereo knob that gradually adjusts."
A psychologist with two sons in their early twenties balances granting independence with continued practical support. The parent books appointments, sends groceries, and provides small household solutions while recalibrating the parent-child relationship. The parent recalls youthful, impulsive behavior and emphasizes that legal adulthood does not equal full maturity. One son managed a move independently, yet simple items like a dish rack made daily life easier. The parent views such interventions as guidance rather than undermining autonomy, arguing that helping with small, concrete needs addresses gaps in practical knowledge as young adults transition into fuller independence.
Read at Business Insider
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