My Son Does the Same Maddening Thing Every Time He Speaks to Me. It Never Ends.

"He kept repeating himself until I finally said, "We are done arguing, just drop it." To which he retorted, "You just drop it!" I then asked him to go anywhere in the house besides the kitchen because he was still talking about it after I asked him to stop. (I couldn't leave, I was helping his sitter get a snack, and doing dishes.) He then yelled at me, "You leave! Why do I have to leave if you're the one with the problem?""

"It seems as if your son is truly upset with something other than what you're actually arguing about. For example, in the case of the gingerbread house, he seemed upset about the loss of autonomy in making decisions about the house that he created, rather than the actual fact of not being allowed to smash it on Christmas. Does he feel like you always make all of the big and little decisions, while he isn't allowed to make any? During the"

The son engages in persistent arguing and power struggles, especially with his mother and younger sister. He objects to parental limits that remove his control over choices he values. The behavior likely reflects frustration about loss of autonomy rather than the literal subjects of disputes. Restoring a sense of choice through limited, meaningful options and involvement in decisions can reduce confrontations. Maintaining calm, consistent boundaries and withdrawing attention from argumentative escalation reduces reinforcement of defiance. Validating emotions, teaching negotiation and problem-solving skills, and offering predictable routines balance autonomy needs with parental authority.

Read at Slate Magazine