"My husband "Trent" and I have a 14-year-old son, "Michael," who started high school last month. Michael is attending the same high school Trent went to where he was the star of the football team. Trent has been pressuring our son to try out for football since practically the day he graduated from junior high. Michael did not try out-he's into lacrosse-and Trent has ratcheted up the pressure, trying to convince him there's still time for him to join (there isn't). He's even gone so far as to offer to buy him a car when he's old enough to drive if he play football! Michael is really beginning to tire of his dad's pestering, but his objections go in one ear and out the other with Trent. What can I do to get through to my husband that our son already has a sport he enjoys?"
"It's tough to have a vision in your head of a family thing that you think you and your kids will both legitimately enjoy, something that will reliably generate good vibes for years, and then the kid spends about 0.5 seconds considering your vision before rejecting it. I always thought I'd be able to get our children to sing along while I played "This Land Is Your Land" on the guitar and so forth, and while it turns out they do like to sing, they have absolutely no interest in doing it while I play my dumb guitar. I've tried it many times, and it's not going to happen. Oh well, there goes that dream."
"As to whether anything can be done about this specific problem, my guess is that it's going to be hard to convince a man you've named "Trent" to give up on something unless he decides it's his idea to do it. That's a real not-gonna-change-my-ways, inflexible-beliefs-about-taxes, F-150 Super Duty kind of name-and my sense is you chose it for a reason."
A father named Trent is pressuring his 14-year-old son Michael to play high school football despite Michael's commitment to lacrosse. Trent even offers a car as an incentive and continues to pestering, causing Michael to tire of the pressure. Persistent parental visions for shared activities can clash with a child's actual preferences. Some parents hold onto expectations and find it difficult to relinquish them unless they decide to do so independently. Personal attempts to impose activities often fail, and acceptance of a child's chosen pursuits may reduce conflict and preserve the parent-child relationship.
Read at Slate Magazine
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