My Father-in-Law Is Finally Planning an Overdue Visit. The Problem Is Who He Wants to Bring Along to Meet the Kids.

"My father-in-law, "Pete," can be a challenge. He left his first wife, my husband's mother, for someone else. When he eventually remarried, it took my husband (then 20-something) a while to warm up to his dad's second wife. But she ended up being part of our kids' lives, and they loved her...until Pete left her, too, and she decided not to maintain a relationship with our kids. That was really hard for us."

"We have not sought out opportunities for Pete to connect with our kids recently, since we don't think he's very good with them or a great role model. But he eventually saved up for the flight to visit us and plans to visit soon. After that was organized, he told us some news. He had suddenly remarried someone we had never heard about!"

A grandparent with a history of leaving spouses has repeatedly disrupted the family, resulting in a former stepgrandparent cutting ties with the children. The parents have avoided facilitating contact because they view the grandparent as an inconsistent role model. The grandparent planned a visit and then revealed a recent remarriage, proposing to bring a new partner on the trip. The parents worry about exposing their young children to another successive partner and about how to label or house the guest, and they seek a way to shield the children from further emotional instability without being unduly cruel to the grandparent.

Read at Slate Magazine