"I believe that masculinity is a disease we give to little boys. I grew up with that "boys will be boys" shit, and it never shaped anyone's character and only caused unnecessary suffering. Why can't we raise them to be compassionate and to want to love their brothers and fellow humans in a way that doesn't involve any ritualistic hazing? I think we can, but as you're finding, it's not easy."
"I empathize with your husband's desire to say this is "normal." I grew up in a household where my father teased us constantly-about our physical appearance or lack of intelligence. It definitely poisoned my self-esteem. But I still find myself teasing my kids plenty. I like to think it's playful and loving, but I often wonder-damn, how did I let that happen? It's hard to unlearn this stuff."
An eight-year-old pulls down a four-year-old's pants as a prank; the younger child is upset and the older finds it hilarious. Parental punishment has limited effect and often occurs when unsupervised. One parent dismisses the behavior as normal sibling antics, while concerns characterize it as bullying that must stop. Teasing and hazing in childhood can damage self-esteem and become normalized under 'boys will be boys' attitudes. Raising boys toward compassion rather than ritualistic hazing is advocated. Unlearning entrenched teasing habits is difficult but necessary for healthier sibling relationships.
Read at Slate Magazine
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