"I am deciding if, and how, to leave my wife, and how much to talk to my kids about it. My wife is moody and volatile. Most recently, she screamed and yelled during three hours of last-minute packing leading up to our Christmas vacation. Then as soon as we were in the car on the way to the airport, she was lovey-dovey and happy-go-lucky again. It had me in a funk for 10 days of vacation."
"During this trip, my 12-year old daughter, my oldest, asked if I could get another house or divorce her mom so she could live with me. She said my wife's tendency to switch from calm to furious and back to loving was keeping her emotionally on edge. To be honest, I felt relief that my daughter brought it up. My biggest worries are that the kids will blame themselves for divorce, or feel they have to choose one parent over the other."
Do not involve a 12-year-old in marital decision-making, ultimatums, or plans about divorce. Protect children from adult conflicts and reassure them they are not to blame. Offer age-appropriate, honest conversations that prioritize emotional safety without asking them to choose sides. Seek professional support for the child and for parental mental-health or couple counseling as needed. Use legal and formal channels for custody and separation decisions rather than informal family plotting. Maintain routines and boundaries to provide stability for the children while adults address relationship issues responsibly and fairly.
Read at Slate Magazine
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