"I go through the motions of what I know a parent is supposed to provide her child. I do the things, buy the stuff, spend the time, ask the questions, try to engage. And I feel none of it. I know the difference because his father and I have our own biological children now, and what my heart feels for my own is everything that I don't feel for my stepson."
"It's difficult enough for me to struggle through parenting without feeling the parental love (oh man, managing the resentment and guilt that builds up as a result is an active, constant process)-but I can't even imagine what I'm doing to the poor kid. I know that even if he can't consciously recognize my lack of maternal love, he feels it subconsciously and there's no way that this isn't fucking him up."
"I do not miss him when he's not around. I do not wish to spend more time with him. He so deserves a mom who loves him unconditionally, which apparently"
A stepmother who has raised her stepson since age seven describes her struggle with not feeling parental love for him, despite recognizing his positive qualities and providing consistent physical and emotional care. She contrasts her lack of feeling toward him with the deep love she experiences for her biological children with his father. Despite various attempts to cultivate connection through shared activities and quality time, she remains unable to develop the maternal bond she believes he deserves. She experiences significant guilt and resentment about this emotional disconnect and worries about the psychological impact on her stepson, fearing he senses her lack of genuine affection despite her outward parenting efforts.
Read at Slate Magazine
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