"My daughter "Kayla" started sixth grade this year. She almost immediately complained about her English teacher, whom she said hated her for no reason and was grading her intentionally poorly. She was getting lower grades on her assignments than she was in other classes, but I had thought this was more projection than anything else and didn't do much except encourage her to work harder on this class if she was behind on it."
"Dear Patching, Kayla complained, her grades in this subject remained poor, and I eventually arranged a meeting with her teacher to discuss Kayla's performance. When I sat down with her, she immediately insulted me ("So you're the mother"), and then spent the full 20 minutes or so ranting about my daughter, mostly about how she hates the way she smells and dresses."
"Dear Care and Feeding, Be honest with your daughter: You made a mistake and you're sorry for it. Explain that you thought she might be exaggerating and it was hard to imagine that a trained professional would treat a child poorly on purpose. You may want to talk about teachers you complained about as a child who were actually fair and appropriate, and let her know that you assumed the same might be true here."
Kayla began sixth grade and quickly complained that her English teacher unfairly disliked and graded her harshly. The parent assumed projection and urged Kayla to work harder, then met the teacher after grades stayed low. The teacher insulted the parent and spent the meeting criticizing Kayla's smell and dress. The parent plans administrative and legal action and seeks how to apologize to Kayla for not believing her. The recommended response is a candid apology, acknowledgment of harm and disbelief, allowance for Kayla to express feelings, and a commitment to take her concerns seriously and act appropriately going forward.
Read at Slate Magazine
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