"I am a recovering alcoholic and need advice on how to support my son, who is 11 and autistic. I am three months sober with the help of rehab and AA, but my drinking became heavy over the last two years (I was sober for the first six years of my son's life). Towards the end, my drinking was 24/7 and my son has sadly seen me out of control and desperately unhappy. He developed a sense of responsibility, that he was the only person who could stop me drinking (by physically removing bottles), which I feel utterly ashamed about."
"I have said to him many times that the only person who can stop me drinking is me. He lived with his father for a few months (we divorced five years ago but he is supportive of my recovery) and moved back in with me when he started high school in September. The trust between us is slowly growing as he can see that I am not drinking and putting all my effort into getting better."
"My son is still hyper-vigilant and anxious about my safety. This means he is terribly controlling of my actions partly because of his anxiety about my drinking, but also because he is autistic and anxious about anything unpredictable. I am working on confidence and boundaries; it would be easy to give in to his demands but this doesn't feel right as a parent. It is hard as I also feel enormously guilty. I referred our family to Children's Services while I was in rehab, and we are waiting for help for my son from our local substance abuse support service. In the meantime, I feel really at sea about how to talk to him. I don't want to make him upset, but I don't want to ignore the past either. How do we move forward?"
A mother is three months sober after rehab and AA following escalating heavy drinking during her son's ages six to eleven. The son witnessed intense, constant drinking and became hyper-vigilant, anxious, and overly responsible, physically trying to stop drinking at times. The mother has repeatedly told him that only she can stop drinking and is now rebuilding trust through sustained sobriety and effort. The son is controlling due to anxiety about safety and unpredictability related to autism. The family has referrals to Children's Services and local substance support, and the mother seeks guidance on how to talk with and support her son while setting healthy boundaries.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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