"The goal of a limit is not to change your child's behavior. That's something you have no control over. The goal of a limit is to stay in charge in the way your child needs you to be and to avoid power struggles. Just because your child protests the limit or tantrums when you implement, doesn't mean it's not working. The limit is working if it's preventing unhealthy behavior and avoiding pernicious power struggles."
"One of them sat on the other side of the door and played some quiet music so he knew they were out there. The first night, he screamed and protested for 30 minutes. By night three, it was down to about five minutes."
Limits aim to maintain parental leadership and prevent destructive power struggles rather than directly force immediate behavior change. Parents can provide loving preparation, clear routines, and consistent boundaries while acknowledging lack of control over a child's internal responses. Behavior may initially escalate or persist despite consistent limits, but stable implementation can reduce escalation and protect relational authority. The measure of a limit's effectiveness is preventing unhealthy behaviors and avoiding pernicious power struggles, not the elimination of protests or tantrums. Consistent, calm presence and predictable steps support boundary enforcement while preserving the parent-child relationship.
Read at Psychology Today
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