"When they were young, it was a difficult but necessary position for me to be in when it came to teaching them about manners and household chores. They thought I was nagging them to put a napkin on their lap, take their hat off at the dinner table, take their shoes off when they entered the house, carry their dishes to the sink, put the seat down, etc."
"At the end of the day, however, these are adults, and they have to be responsible for their own behavior. If you're receiving reports about the behavior of these adults from friends, I'd gently remind these friends that you can't control another person's actions. It may feel like it's a reflection on you or your parenting, but it's not. They own what they do. But, when they're guests at your home, it will be helpful to verbalize expectations up front."
A stepmother raised two boys with firm household and manners expectations. As adults, the men and their partners now frequently arrive empty-handed, decline to help, and forget taught manners, causing embarrassment. Reports from others indicate similar behavior at events they host or attend. The husband offered to speak to them but is not always effective. Adults must be responsible for their own behavior and cannot be controlled by others. Remind friends that you cannot control other people's actions. When guests visit your home, explicitly state expectations in advance to avoid awkwardness, and consider the husband as a last resort speaker despite imperfect delivery.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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