Asking Eric: My daughter's ex lives in my basement, and I have a decision to make

"Over the last 10 years, the father of my grandchildren has been a severe alcoholic. Two years ago, my daughter left him. After he had been living on the streets, my daughter asked if he could stay in my basement so that he would get sufficient rest and be able to have the children with him; she knows it's important for the children to be with their dad. I agreed. This young man has been unemployed for at least two years."

"He needs to pay you back either way. And he needs to move out. Right now, you're overextended. You're housing your daughter's ex, you're feeding him, and you're lending him money. It's too much for you, and it's too much for the fraught relationship you have. I'm curious what he's contributing to the house in return for a place to live. Even without a job, he's capable of helping around the house, of cooking, of cleaning, of showing up for you."

A grandfather is housing his daughter's ex—a 28-year-old severe alcoholic who has been unemployed for at least two years and has relapsed several times while attending AA. The grandfather lent him $300 with a repayment deadline tied to a housing condition. Housing, feeding, and utility costs are creating financial and emotional strain. The loan should be treated separately from the housing arrangement: repayment must be required, and the householder should insist that the man move out to prevent further overextension. If allowed to stay temporarily, the man should contribute through chores, cooking, cleaning, or other household tasks while seeking work.

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