"Likewise, when our beloved boys set foot on the hallowed gridiron, we would never indulge in the "tush push." The game of football is about handing off the pigskin to the halfback and hitting the A gap made by the big hogs in the trenches. It's not about having a thousand pounds of man flesh get behind you and push you straight forward through everything in front of you, and you're carrying the ball, and then you get the yards."
"I hope to never witness the sorry spectacle of a National Football League team winning a playoff game through the use of having a bunch of guys get behind the main guy and just pushing him right into the end zone. Lo, vengeful god, hear my prayer! If any team sinks to this foul level of ignominy, let them be cursed with decades of post-industrial economic decline!"
Team-assisted shortcuts in baseball and basketball are presented as absurd and sacrilegious to the sport's intended play. The 'tush push' is condemned as contrary to football's essence of handing off to a halfback and attacking the A gap created by the linemen. The passage emphasizes brotherhood and traditional roles over mass pushing to gain yards. Such tactics are labeled corrupt, low in character, and morally indefensible beyond causing physical damage. A vivid denunciation invokes dire curses and communal decline for any team that uses the maneuver in postseason play. The stance rests on principles of sportsmanship and competitive integrity.
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