I Had a Threesome With My Friend and Their Spouse. Then Things Started Getting Really Weird.

"I actually went through with it, though, and we were not honest ahead of time. My friend's spouse was not aware and, as far as I know, is still unaware that their spouse and I had already been sleeping together before our threesome. We actually had a great time and would all three hang out as friends after the tryst (and had more), but it eventually ate away at me as they tried to involve me in really nice family things."

"It basically can't end well for everyone unless the husband is somehow OK with all of this after being told the truth. It will start to bug the letter writer, and she'll either have to step way back or she will have to fess up. If she wants to keep her friendship, they just need to stop hooking up completely, but I don't think it's that easy, or they would have done that already."

"I think honesty is the best policy since neither can take a step back, and they both seem to want to continue. Plus, the ethical thing to do would be for her friend to tell Husband regardless of their intentions. I think it's insulting not to give people we love all of the information so they can make their own decisions."

A reader shares their experience of deceiving a married person's spouse during a sexual encounter, which eventually caused emotional distress and led to ghosting friends they cared about. The reader and columnist agree that dishonesty in such situations cannot end well and will eventually burden the deceiver. The core issue is that without the spouse's informed consent, the situation becomes ethically problematic and unsustainable. The reader emphasizes that people deserve complete information about situations affecting them so they can make autonomous decisions. After this experience, the reader avoided similar situations for over a decade, recognizing that honesty is the only viable path forward in complex relationship dynamics involving multiple partners.

Read at Slate Magazine