"When I first met Rashida, she introduced herself with a disclaimer: "I'm a little intense." She said it with a grimace, as if the label left a bad taste in her mouth. I replied, "Good to know. What else should I know about you?" She told me she was a mother, a recent pickleball enthusiast, and a leader in risk and compliance at a Fortune 500 company. I thought maybe such a role demanded intensity, but I still asked, "Where does that 'intense' label come from?""
"She didn't have to think long. "When I left my last company, my boss made an offhand comment. He said, "You can be a bit intense, Rashida, but we'll sure miss you."" That comment stuck. Hard. But it wasn't the first time Rashida had heard it: "My parents are Egyptian, and I'm the youngest of eight kids. My brothers and sisters would call me 'too much' or 'over the top' all throughout my childhood." Over the years, those words had lingered, shaping how she saw herself."
"Fast-forward six months and Rashida was stepping into a senior lead compliance role - a big step up. She felt compelled to introduce herself in a way that preemptively softened any judgment. She'd say, 'I can be intense at times,' as though she needed to apologize for being herself. As though her invisible scar defined her. Once a label sticks, it feels real."
Rashida absorbed the label "intense" from childhood family remarks and a boss's casual comment, and that label persisted even as she advanced professionally. The label resurfaced when she transitioned into a senior role, prompting her to preface introductions with self-effacing language. Past criticisms and single awkward moments can calcify into identity claims, such as "I'm bad at public speaking," which do not reflect inherent incapacity but become self-limiting scars. Those internalized labels influence behavior, prompt apologies for authentic traits, and can dampen confidence despite objective success and capability.
Read at Big Think
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